A Naked Prince

Aw, the Tower of London. The history. The sense of place.

Did you know that the queen and her gang still hang out there sometimes in the evenings? They host peeps over for banquets and balls. I really liked that. I'm glad that this beautiful historic place hasn't just become 'an attraction' to be overrun by tourists, like a rat-infested ship's kitchen.

I like the idea that at the end of the day, everyone gets kicked out, the royal cars drive in, and the queen jumps out and lets her hair down. Probably laughs with Harry about getting naked in Vegas, and tells him all about her wild days. 'Back in my day, before there was all this silly paparazzi...we used to have a real razz-ma-tazz,' she'll confide, tapping her nose, as one does when sharing insider information.

Shame. After all, it must be hard to be a prince, and famous, and rich, and somewhat good looking and never be allowed to get naked in Vegas.

The poor boy.

Anyway, the Tower of London. I visited it last week with my cousin Tracey. We got to see the crown jewels. They were very very sparkly. Unfortunately you're not allowed to take photos of them, probably because your camera will break from all the reflected light. Can you say, 'lots and lots of diamonds'?

Really.

We got to go into the chapel, where all these cool people are buried - like Anne Boleyn. They were the ones lucky enough to be beheaded inside the tower walls - rather than at the stocks in front of the tomato-throwing insult-roaring public. Can you say, 'humiliation'?

The tour guide decided I was to be the honourary Anne Boleyn for the day and chopped off my head, berating me for cringing. Apparently that's not what Anne would have done. Silly me.

I liked the ravens too. Those birds are cool. And big. I like that they have been there since forever too. 

I then wandered through the White Tower where they keep all the armour of every royal person ever. It's pretty cool though. I particularly liked the one made for the midget king. 

Ok, he wasn't a midget, he was just four years old. But still.

Anyway, Kate, I'd like to come to a banquet at the Tower. Also, I think we'd be the best of friends. I could come over to yours, we could get all dressed up, and then go let our hair down with the queen. Maybe she'd even let me try on some of her sparklies. So send through an invite any time you like Katie.

We can also have a big giggle about silly naked Harry and his crown jewels.